The Invisible Pink Unicorn, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and the Celestial Teapot

I have always been confused by militant atheists. I am not confused by atheists. I am confused by militant atheists. For me it is as though I decided to spend my days railing against Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, honest politicians and any other thing that I am certain doesn’t exist.

However, I am not confused as to why militant atheists seem to spend all their time attacking Christians and no time attacking the head choppers of ISIS. Like good bullies, they only attack the kid who won’t fight back. If they attacked the true dangers to civilization—those who kidnap and rape women who don’t practice the “right” religion, for instance--some head chopper might come after them. Militant atheists can beat up Christians night and day, day and night and the most Christians will do is whine really loud. Christians, for the most part, won’t even riot or have a mass protest. I say for the most part because for awhile there were a group of truly annoying crap-for-brains posers who were interrupting funerals for veterans to give their views on homosexuality. Most Christians that I have ever heard about disavow these protesting nimrods as sick losers.

I prefer atheists who have a sense of humor about the God thing. After all, not even the most militant theist on the planet can perform any physical act that would be in anyway convincing to any atheist—so why be bent out of shape about it. No matter what any religious person says the Himalayas and the Gobi desert are not going to permanently swap places, the oceans are not about to vanish and all the glaciers on the planet are not going to suddenly show up in Saudi Arabia. Religious folks say that God could do all this and more if He wanted but conveniently God never “wants” do these things. Even things that most normal and sane people agree on like curing all diseases and protecting all children from crime and hunger seem to be either beyond God or beneath His notice. So why should any atheist take the notion of God seriously?

In the bad old days when the inquisition was used to shore up flagging faith, there were standard answers to deep theological conundrums. Can God create a stone which He cannot lift? Where was God before the world was made? The answers to these and many more annoying questions went along the lines of : God was creating hell for people who asked questions like that.

A number of atheists have come up with humorous spoofs of religion. For instance there are the pastafarians who wear spaghetti strainers on their heads. Religions do go on about who gets to wear the funny hats and when and why. The Pastafarians are believers in the Flying Spaghetti monster. As any Pastafarian is quick to point out: Can you prove the Flying Spaghetti does not exist?

The believers in the Invisible Pink Unicorn are probably trying to be a little too cute. After all, if the Unicorn is invisible, how do you know it’s pink?

The Celestial Teapot is kicking it old school. Bertrand Russell came up with it to make the basic atheistic point about falsifiable claims.

One has to be careful with taking things Bertrand Russell said as gospel. After all he supposedly said it was a duty of the state to come up with efficient ways to kill off millions of useless people. Some say this was a clever joke on Bertrand Russell's part since as we all know, genocide is a very, very funny joke.

One has to be little careful about the notion of falsifiable claims however. Note that Global Warming worshippers say that hot weather is proof of Global Warming. And if the weather turns cold they quickly alter the name of their religion to: Climate Change and say that changes in the weather prove that the only way to worship nature properly is to destroy capitalism in general and the United States in particular. Moreover, Global Warming Climate Changers say that all that pollution in China is just a political illusion and only the imperialist, capitalist swine pollute and commit other evils because only they can. Note that the Global Warmers keep changing terms of the argument to make sure their argument is never falsifiable. Making their claims look more like a religion than science.