Don't Be An April A....Fool
April Don'ts
If you are going to pull an April Fools joke on the 1st, here are some caveats.
Don't do any prank that is
1) Permanent
2) Humiliating
3) Expensive
4) Dangerous
5) Deadly
I know that for some of you that would take all the fun out of an otherwise "joyous" occasion.
Let me say this about that: You ought to be committed to a mental institution for your own safety.
Permanent
In truth, these days what used to be thought of as permanent could almost be lumped in with expensive. However there is a rather easy dividing line between the two. Permanent refers to things that would be difficult or impossible to change once they are done. Expensive could be fleeting and not even memorable--like a bad night with a call girl.
Permanent in this regard refers to things like getting a drunken buddy a love tattoo of Dick Cheney.
Painting your neighbors house pink...with black stripes.
Cutting all your girlfriends hair off. I mean your former girlfriend. What you just did might be considered assault. By the way, don't be surprised if you wake up in a jail cell next to Bubba, who thinks you're kinda cute. And once you discover why all the prisoners have their pants so baggy...now you get sued as well...
Humiliating
Most normal people don't like being humiliated in public. Some don't cope well with public shame.
Don't be surprised if while you are LMAO at your former friend's distress, you start choking on that joke your former friend thought was funny. No, that wasn't a cookie after all....
Expensive
The most important way something can be too expensive is if it cost you your freedom. Some pranks could get you put in jail.
It might seem funny to fool around with the street signs but suppose someone dies because the paramedics couldn't figure out how to get to their house? Prepare for lawsuits and jail time again. Bubba is going to ask you to marry him the next time you share a cell.
Expensive jokes such as newspaper ads, skywriting or electronic billboards should be reserved for idiots who have too much time and way too much money on their hands.
Replacing the smoked meats with roasted dog might again get you sued and jailed.
Dangerous
Dangerous can be in the eye of the beholder but if you have commonsense it is not hard to spot.
By the way, if you lack commonsense, I know where you can get it. I mean besides in jail or in court.
Read about accidents. If you read enough about accidents, unless you are a total dolt, you will notice something. Often somebody was doing something he should not have. Sometimes, he thought it was funny.
There was a story a while back about a bridesmaid who pushed the girl who was to be married into the swimming pool. The bride to be was not ready in the least. Her flailing head hit the side of the pool and now she will never walk again. Yeah, that was real funny.
Almost all physical pranks should be banned from April Fools Day. Stick with the classics like putting sugar in the salt shaker.
Deadly
If you got to this point and you still don't get it, my only question is how have you managed to stay alive this long? There is a such thing as being too stupid to live. And there are the Darwin Awards. The Darwin Awards are posthumously handed out to those who mercifully eliminated themselves from the gene pool before they were allowed to reproduce by an act of stupidity above and beyond the call of duty.
Almost anything you saw on that TV show "Jackass" qualifies as too dangerous, and possibly deadly. Almost anything you see in a Hollywood movie that looks dangerous would probably be deadly if you actually tried to do it. Some couch and car surfers have met their makers: That Big Bozo in the sky that they apparently worship, whilst engaged in sheer stupidity. Hey genius, even the sound in movies is fake. There is nothing real about a movie!
It it's fast, sharp, deadly or heavy, or involves electricity it ain't funny.
